Going back in time..

Do you ever wish that for just one moment you could go back in time? Fix something that went wrong - a friendship, a piece of jewelry, a relationship - and just make it all better, then instantly flash back to the present and have everything be the same except that one little thing you fixed...? I do!

Now, don't get me wrong, I believe in a very strong way that everything happens for a reason. Friendships are gained and lost mainly to teach us a lesson in life, teach us love, teach us pain, teach us the things we need to know to not mess up the same way again. Just because I don't regret things doesn't mean I don't wish there were some things I could change about how I reacted in a particular situation, the things I said, the feelings I felt... it doesn't mean I don't wish I could go back in time, undo those hurtful things and redo them with more patience and understanding.

Since my life has begun as a wife, living in VA, and becoming a mother things have changed for me. I've be come a different person today than I was 2 or 3 years ago, heck even a year ago I was different. We all change and grow as we get older (at least most people do...) and we learn lessons. Some lessons we've got to learn the hard way, some lessons can be taught to us by our parents or our peers.. most of the time (you can ask anyone that's known me for any extended amount of time) I need to learn things the hard way. I don't take people's words of advice, I don't watch and learn, I've got to get down in the dirt to find out that's what makes a person dirty. That's just the kind of person I am, can't change it.. so I am learning (yes, still learning at 23 years old) how to live with such a strong feature in my own personality.

So far, this is what I've come up with...


-When patience run low, walk away. Friendships, child, husband, project.. anything. It's beneficial for me to walk away, take a deep breath, and continue with the issue at a later time and/or date.

-Talk through things without swearing or raising my voice. A dear friend of mine whom I have lost contact with taught me that fighting with hurtful words will get a person no where, it only continues to hurt the person you're fighting with which in turn causes them to want to hurt you back - it's a never ending cycle! Use calm tones of voice, nice words, and be reasonable - if those 3 things can't be done.. refer to the first memo!

-Be honest about my feelings. How can anyone know what I'm feeling (especially my poor husband) if I don't say to them "Look, I'm feeling _______, please understand why I'm acting this way." My attitude, the way I react to different situations - like everyone - varies at any given moment pending what I'm thinking about, dealing with, or even just debating in my own brain. It's sometimes miserable and I've got to remind myself to take a breath and handle each situation as it comes!

Lastly, the biggest thing I'm starting to work on with myself is: -Trust in God, He will not let those fail who don't let themselves fail. My relationship with God and the church has been a forever battle internally. When I was a child I loved going to church, it was so much fun to get up on Sunday mornings and play with all my friends in Sunday school. We had play dates, we hung out, we were all super super close... then our church began having problems and we couldn't afford to fix them (we were a SUPER small church, probably part of why I loved it!!) so we ended up having to merge with another church. Long story short; it was a bad church, most of the people left, and the people who were originally from the church we merged with were all super snobby and had their noses so far in the air they weren't willing to be true friends. In the end, I started to not want to go.. fought my mom every Sunday so I wouldn't have to go, and in the end we stopped going. Once I became old enough to go on my own there was always something "more interesting" going on, and once I got my own car and a job I was working on Sundays (heck yeah time and 1/2!! that's huge at 16!!). Now, I'm a mom and a wife to a very strong and true Christian. My husband is a very strong believer in God and all that He can do, which makes me look back and wonder where my life would be if I hadn't been "too busy" for church.

In the end what I know is that I need to find it again, the faith and strength in Him. I need to move forward and stop looking back at what might have been, what could have been, or what would be today had I changed "x,y, or z". This doesn't only apply to God and church, it applies to everything in my life. The friendships I've lost, the relationships that hit the fan, and the things I would've changed if I could've - it's all taught me valuable lessons in life and now I need to move forward, learn from them, and become a better person/wife/mother/friend.

A good friend once said: "A little humility and lots of love can heal all." Thank you for that, friend, I plan to use it for my future and remember it always!

Time Flies..

Do you remember when you were a kid and you couldn't wait to grow up?! Couldn't wait to drive, make your own rules, and not have a bed time. Well, there are days now that I wish someone would drive me around, give me rules, and force me to go to bed at 8pm every night (except weekends!). It seems to me that as I get older time goes faster, then I had a kid and time started moving even faster - what's up with that?! My daughter is now 19 months old - she walks, runs, talks, talks back, and she has QUITE the BIG personality for such a little girl. She's growing into this little person!! I mean, as parents we all know this is going to happen, it's the way of life and all that fun stuff.. but let me tell ya - for those of you that may not have children yet, it moves FAST!!!

It honestly feels like just yesterday (okay, maybe just last week) that we were bringing her home from the hospital, to an apartment that had no power for our first 26 hours home with a newborn. It feels like only yesterday that we were celebrating her FIRST BIRTHDAY! It's crazy to think that in only 5 months our baby girl, our little princess, (and as my husband has taken to calling her) our little Judy-Bug will be 2 whole years old!

The day we brought her home! :)

Her very first birthday celebration!

Just last week!! 

How did this happen? How did time get away from me like this!? I ask my best friend all the time "When did we become adults? When did we stop being young and become adults, parents, and responsible people?!" He never really seems to know either, but it seems like we're all just moving SO fast all the time. It feels like life is on fast forward and it's impossible to find the "frame by frame" or "pause" buttons.

For my friends out there who don't have children yet, have children on the way, or are just starting out as new parents - do yourself a favor and remember to take the extra moment to REALLY appreciate them. Just take that extra moment in running around like a mad mommy/daddy trying to get bottles and baby stuff ready to remember what a gift these precious little ones are. When they're sleeping, take the extra moment to just watch them.. to just see them at complete and total peace (it won't last long!) and quiet and restfulness. And even if they're up all night, crying non-stop, can't be satisfied, and have an insatiable need to nurse or poop or just be plain old exhausting - remember, it won't always be that way. Things will change, they will grow, and when (like me) you realize exactly how much time has passed and things have changed you'll wish you'd stopped once in a while "back in the day"!

Peeve #2 - Immature Parents

This isn't so much of a rant or a vent as just a huge peeve of mine. While having a conversation earlier with a good friend of mine, I realized that I've grown up in so many ways - especially since having my daughter. Living away from "home" and the place I grew up has helped to kind of raise me in a way as well, but becoming a parent - responsible in all ways/shapes/forms, loving another living/breathing being as much as I love my daughter, and caring for someone 24/7/365 - has really made me grow up in ways that I didn't even realize over the short period of time that I've been a mom. I've been mostly lucky with my daughter, she's a good kid - most of the time (every kid has their moments, some worse or more than others...) - and I find myself to be incredibly blessed and lucky to have such a beautiful, healthy, well-mannered (she says please and thank you, and beep beep now too!), and loving kiddo! All the things she knows, I've taught her. All the things she does, she's copying me. All the looks she gives me, they're either an exact replica of my husband or myself. It is the most insane thing ever! 

Well, by me growing up I guess I just assume in a way (I know, never assume anything - it only ends up making and ass out of you and me) that all parents have taken this same leap and grown up - in their own ways of course - and become the "responsible" parent they're supposed to be.. Right?? WRONG!!! Goodness I couldn't be more wrong about a particular assumption!!! I've actually found, in personal encounters, that there are sooooooooooooooooooo many parents - especially "young" parents but not secluded to them - that refuse to grow up. 

Parties? Sure! Bar hoping? Sure! Drinking until we're silly? Sure! -- What kind of life is that to live when you've got a CHILD that is depending on you to care for them, to make sure they've got all the things they could need or want in life? Honestly, I think it's crap! I think it's a bullshit way of getting away from life for a little while - but what good does it really do?? At the end of the day (or night whichever you prefer to say) your child, your spouse, your life.. they're still there. They're all waiting for you after the drunken stupor wears off, after the hangover is gone, after the "good time" is had.. everything you tried to escape is still there! 

I know some parents who occasionally go out for a couple drinks every once in a while with their friends while their hubby/wifey stay home to care for the kiddo(s).. that's cool. That's responsible. Sometimes going out for drinks with your girl/guy friends is so much needed, that's cool! What I'm referring to are the parents who drop their kid off with family or at a sitter on a REGULAR basis just so they can get shitty every week(end) with their friends. Give me a break! You wanted to become a parent, if you didn't then you should've kept your legs closed or put a rain jacket on "Little Mr."!!! 

Anyhow, I think being immature parent is crap. Grow up. Take responsibility. Be a parent!!

Pet Peeve #1

Ignorance!

Ignorance is not bliss. One person is NO better than another no matter your life differences. Ignorance is stupidity more than anything else. Ignorance will cause me to loose my patience with said person and tell them how I feel about said ignorance!

I HATE IGNORANT PEOPLE!


end vent/pet peeve #1

Gets me every time!

I absolutely LOVE this song - but it makes me cry every time, never fails! :')

Talk the talk??

In a community such as the one I'm a part of people talk a whole lot of talk, but can't manage to walk ANY of the walk. Every chance they get they're running home, and saying how "hard" things are for them.. When in reality they've got it made! I can't stand how people do nothing in life but dwell on the bad and the unfortunate, I wish more people would say "Yes, this sucks.. BUTTTTTTT I've got A, B, and C going for me!" No, instead they've got to be depressed, mad, angry at the world, and just plain old annoying about how "bad" their life is. THEN, being a nice person.. trying to cheer them up.. a friend will say something such as "Yeah.. that does suck and I'm sorry you're dealing with that.. but don't forget about A, B, and C" and next thing you know the nice/good friend is torn down by them repeating how "awful" their life is!

In the end it's really just a sad and pathetic kinda way to live, the lives we life are dictated by that which we make of them. If people are going to sit back and say how much their life sucks when it really DOESN'T then that's their problem. I've made it so far in my adventures as a wife and mother because when people sit there and make themselves look like they've got this horrible and awful life I look at them and say two words: "PEACE OUT!" I don't need them, their drama, their depression, or their issues weighing down on my life and my happiness!

If you're going to live a "different" lifestyle from the "norm" then plan to have a tough time!! Also, if you're going to "talk the talk" be sure you can HANDLE walking the walk, because if you can't you're going to be MISERABLE!!

Sleep or caffeine?

Sleep seems to be an illusion to me most days. I think I've slept and then when I wake up I'd swear I'd not gotten more than 10 minutes because I'm still THAT exhausted! How come sleep can't always be restful, can't always help more than it hurts?! Some days I wonder if I'd be better off just kinda staying awake all the time, but then I realize that it's probably not my best idea with an 18 month old daughter whose energy level is through the roof on an every day basis.

I really wish, even if just for one day, I could have as much energy as she does.. maybe then ALL of my cleaning/laundry/dishes/chores could get done at once instead of being done over a course of time - only to find that once I'm finished it's time to start all over again! It seems as though every time I get through things I've got to start doing them all over again, oh to be a mom and wife! :)

Maybe if I slept straight through, without waking up or tossing and turning through the night I'd feel more "rested" than I have these past months. Seems to me that I can't get "comfortable" or that I just can't find that right spot to make me sleep just right. I'm not sure what to do differently, I refuse to take meds that I could quite potentially get "addicted" to and that doesn't leave me much of an option these days as most medications are quite addicting - especially those "sleepy pills" that docs seem to give out like they're candy! I'm not a real big medicine person either, I avoid the doctor at all possible costs and don't like taking even Tylenol for a headache if I can help it, so sleepy pills aren't seeming like much of an option.

Lucky for me, I may not feel very rested after sleeping for any amount of time but my wonderful husband purchased me a Keurig as a gift and that has made all the difference. On those tough to get moving kinda days, I brew up a quick (and when I say quick I mean it, I think it takes like 2 mins for a cup of coffee!! it's GREAT!) cup of coffee, toss back my caffeine, and move about my day getting all the wonderful things done that have to get done! Now, it's time for some caffeine for me so I can get this house cleaned up, laundry done, and then HOPEFULLY some fresh air this afternoon! :)

It's been far too long!

Sorry ladies and gents, it's been forever since I've had a chance to write. I had company this past week, and we've been on the go EVERY day and some days into the night. My daughter and I just dropped off my friend at the airport this afternoon... it's so very lonely not having her here with us anymore! We had a fabulous week, lots of laughs and memories and just plain old fun! Hopefully a few days off and relaxing will help my kiddo get back into her routine and not be so cranky anymore!

I will write more later, not really a whole lot on my sleepy mind right now!