Okay - so as some, well most, of you have noticed my facebook is dwindling from it's normal every day "action" on my end. There are a few reasons for this. If you care to know the down and dirty.. keep reading. If you think you *might* be offended and that it *might* pertain to you... I don't care, stop reading if you want. Anyways...
The Nitty Gritty
I have posted about this before, but I will say it again just in case any of you missed it. I am one of two things; I'm an all the time friend OR I am a none of the time friend. What this means - in case you need it spelled out for you - is this: Either you're friends with me all the time. You're there for me and my family when we need it and I'm there for you (and your family if need be) when you need it. We hang out (if you're not a million miles away) or at least spend time chit chatting and catching up here and there (when time permits). I'm not saying you've got to call, or text, or message me, or what have you E.V.E.R.Y. day.. but stop in and say hey once in a while. Show you care. Show you care by more than just "liking" or commenting on my facebook status messages, that's not showing you care.. not really!
I understand that life gets out of hand, really.. I do. I am a mother of an almost 2 year old rambunctious little girl, and a wife of a man who comes and goes as often as the sun in New England. I am not someone who sits around and does nothing but wait for people to contact me, I'm always doing something. Cleaning, cooking, playing, laundry, and the list goes on - but that does NOT mean that I can't stop and take a few moments every day to text, or message, or get in contact with my friends and say "Hey, what's up? How are you?" ESPECIALLY when I know they're having a tough time with something.
Nearly 6 weeks ago a close friend of mine from CT that I've known since high school passed away. Everyone knows this. Everyone has seen it show up on my FB in some form or another. You all are aware that I've been hurting at this loss. I still am not having an easy time coming to terms with someone that is my age passing away in such a sudden and unexpected manor. I am lost, in a way, and I don't know what to do about it.. I need my friends. I need people to reach out to me. I've made that abundantly clear. Yet, the few people whom I expected to reach out, to understand where I'm coming from and how I'm feeling, have yet to say "Hey, how are you really doing?" As a matter of fact I think MAYBE 4 people have asked, my husband included, if I'm ok.. like, really okay. That's not a true friendship to me. If you can't help me when I'm down, if you can't acknowledge that I'm hurting, if you can't take just a few moments out of your day to say "hey" when things are tough.. then you're not a true friend in my eyes.
At the end of the day this is how I see things now. I'm no longer posting super personal stuff on facebook, I'm no longer going to contact people who don't contact me, and I am sure as hell not going to make time for people if they can't make time for me. I'm not going to help you when you need help if you can't step up and help me when I need help. I'm not going out of my way for anyone anymore. I'm done trying. I'm done with allowing my "friendships" to be a one way road. You try, I try.. that's how it works, don't like it?? See ya!
I'm not stressing over who and what I have in my life anymore. I've got the most amazing husband who does any and everything for me and loves me more and more every day. I've got a daughter who adores my very presence in the room. I've got a life to cherish. If you want to be a part of that life I suggest you get off your ass and put some effort forth too.
If you've been doing it all along, THANK YOU. If you haven't, it's time you got what you deserve.
Showing posts with label friendship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friendship. Show all posts
Friday, September 30, 2011
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Mutual Respect - A thing of the past?
When did mutual respect become a thing of the past? Something that no one seems to follow, understand, or comprehend in their lives. When did life become so busy that keeping a friendship going strong just didn't make a difference? When a friend is blatantly having a very tough time with life, when did people stop asking if they were okay? Or stop to take the time to actually listen to them when they're not?
**WARNING** Whining, complaining, and bitching commencing**
I know life is crazy, heck - I just spent the last 2 weeks in CT with my family dealing with the loss of one of my closest friends from HS, coping with the earthquake that happened here in VA, and then the hurricane that came up the coast and knocked power out for 6 days at my mom's house.. added on to the fact I haven't seen my husband in over a month due to unforeseen circumstances... but yet, I still try to chit chat with people, stay involved, and keep tabs on who is going through what so I can send prayers, love, and attention their way. Yes, this may sound a little bit greedy; but aren't we all entitled to a little bit of attention and greed from our friends/family? I think so!
I think we're all entitled to want just a smidge of attention when we're having a tough time, and to complain and bitch, and whine and moan is exactly what I'm going to do. I'm sick of being ignored, I'm tired of feeling like I've got no one to turn to except my parents and my husband (who all have other lives besides me, obviously). I make friends for a REASON and if that reason is for nothing more than supporting each other, so be it. But that support is not a one way street in my life. Either you give support to receive support, or you get nothing from me. I'm so over some people, it's so not even funny!!! (This is not aimed at anyone directly, but if you choose to take this offensively take a look at our "friendship" and it might be implied towards you!!!)
**THANK YOU** Whining, complaining, and bitching completed**
**WARNING** Whining, complaining, and bitching commencing**
I know life is crazy, heck - I just spent the last 2 weeks in CT with my family dealing with the loss of one of my closest friends from HS, coping with the earthquake that happened here in VA, and then the hurricane that came up the coast and knocked power out for 6 days at my mom's house.. added on to the fact I haven't seen my husband in over a month due to unforeseen circumstances... but yet, I still try to chit chat with people, stay involved, and keep tabs on who is going through what so I can send prayers, love, and attention their way. Yes, this may sound a little bit greedy; but aren't we all entitled to a little bit of attention and greed from our friends/family? I think so!
I think we're all entitled to want just a smidge of attention when we're having a tough time, and to complain and bitch, and whine and moan is exactly what I'm going to do. I'm sick of being ignored, I'm tired of feeling like I've got no one to turn to except my parents and my husband (who all have other lives besides me, obviously). I make friends for a REASON and if that reason is for nothing more than supporting each other, so be it. But that support is not a one way street in my life. Either you give support to receive support, or you get nothing from me. I'm so over some people, it's so not even funny!!! (This is not aimed at anyone directly, but if you choose to take this offensively take a look at our "friendship" and it might be implied towards you!!!)
**THANK YOU** Whining, complaining, and bitching completed**
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Going back in time..
Do you ever wish that for just one moment you could go back in time? Fix something that went wrong - a friendship, a piece of jewelry, a relationship - and just make it all better, then instantly flash back to the present and have everything be the same except that one little thing you fixed...? I do!
Now, don't get me wrong, I believe in a very strong way that everything happens for a reason. Friendships are gained and lost mainly to teach us a lesson in life, teach us love, teach us pain, teach us the things we need to know to not mess up the same way again. Just because I don't regret things doesn't mean I don't wish there were some things I could change about how I reacted in a particular situation, the things I said, the feelings I felt... it doesn't mean I don't wish I could go back in time, undo those hurtful things and redo them with more patience and understanding.
Since my life has begun as a wife, living in VA, and becoming a mother things have changed for me. I've be come a different person today than I was 2 or 3 years ago, heck even a year ago I was different. We all change and grow as we get older (at least most people do...) and we learn lessons. Some lessons we've got to learn the hard way, some lessons can be taught to us by our parents or our peers.. most of the time (you can ask anyone that's known me for any extended amount of time) I need to learn things the hard way. I don't take people's words of advice, I don't watch and learn, I've got to get down in the dirt to find out that's what makes a person dirty. That's just the kind of person I am, can't change it.. so I am learning (yes, still learning at 23 years old) how to live with such a strong feature in my own personality.
So far, this is what I've come up with...
-When patience run low, walk away. Friendships, child, husband, project.. anything. It's beneficial for me to walk away, take a deep breath, and continue with the issue at a later time and/or date.
-Talk through things without swearing or raising my voice. A dear friend of mine whom I have lost contact with taught me that fighting with hurtful words will get a person no where, it only continues to hurt the person you're fighting with which in turn causes them to want to hurt you back - it's a never ending cycle! Use calm tones of voice, nice words, and be reasonable - if those 3 things can't be done.. refer to the first memo!
-Be honest about my feelings. How can anyone know what I'm feeling (especially my poor husband) if I don't say to them "Look, I'm feeling _______, please understand why I'm acting this way." My attitude, the way I react to different situations - like everyone - varies at any given moment pending what I'm thinking about, dealing with, or even just debating in my own brain. It's sometimes miserable and I've got to remind myself to take a breath and handle each situation as it comes!
Lastly, the biggest thing I'm starting to work on with myself is: -Trust in God, He will not let those fail who don't let themselves fail. My relationship with God and the church has been a forever battle internally. When I was a child I loved going to church, it was so much fun to get up on Sunday mornings and play with all my friends in Sunday school. We had play dates, we hung out, we were all super super close... then our church began having problems and we couldn't afford to fix them (we were a SUPER small church, probably part of why I loved it!!) so we ended up having to merge with another church. Long story short; it was a bad church, most of the people left, and the people who were originally from the church we merged with were all super snobby and had their noses so far in the air they weren't willing to be true friends. In the end, I started to not want to go.. fought my mom every Sunday so I wouldn't have to go, and in the end we stopped going. Once I became old enough to go on my own there was always something "more interesting" going on, and once I got my own car and a job I was working on Sundays (heck yeah time and 1/2!! that's huge at 16!!). Now, I'm a mom and a wife to a very strong and true Christian. My husband is a very strong believer in God and all that He can do, which makes me look back and wonder where my life would be if I hadn't been "too busy" for church.
In the end what I know is that I need to find it again, the faith and strength in Him. I need to move forward and stop looking back at what might have been, what could have been, or what would be today had I changed "x,y, or z". This doesn't only apply to God and church, it applies to everything in my life. The friendships I've lost, the relationships that hit the fan, and the things I would've changed if I could've - it's all taught me valuable lessons in life and now I need to move forward, learn from them, and become a better person/wife/mother/friend.
A good friend once said: "A little humility and lots of love can heal all." Thank you for that, friend, I plan to use it for my future and remember it always!
Now, don't get me wrong, I believe in a very strong way that everything happens for a reason. Friendships are gained and lost mainly to teach us a lesson in life, teach us love, teach us pain, teach us the things we need to know to not mess up the same way again. Just because I don't regret things doesn't mean I don't wish there were some things I could change about how I reacted in a particular situation, the things I said, the feelings I felt... it doesn't mean I don't wish I could go back in time, undo those hurtful things and redo them with more patience and understanding.
Since my life has begun as a wife, living in VA, and becoming a mother things have changed for me. I've be come a different person today than I was 2 or 3 years ago, heck even a year ago I was different. We all change and grow as we get older (at least most people do...) and we learn lessons. Some lessons we've got to learn the hard way, some lessons can be taught to us by our parents or our peers.. most of the time (you can ask anyone that's known me for any extended amount of time) I need to learn things the hard way. I don't take people's words of advice, I don't watch and learn, I've got to get down in the dirt to find out that's what makes a person dirty. That's just the kind of person I am, can't change it.. so I am learning (yes, still learning at 23 years old) how to live with such a strong feature in my own personality.
So far, this is what I've come up with...
-When patience run low, walk away. Friendships, child, husband, project.. anything. It's beneficial for me to walk away, take a deep breath, and continue with the issue at a later time and/or date.
-Talk through things without swearing or raising my voice. A dear friend of mine whom I have lost contact with taught me that fighting with hurtful words will get a person no where, it only continues to hurt the person you're fighting with which in turn causes them to want to hurt you back - it's a never ending cycle! Use calm tones of voice, nice words, and be reasonable - if those 3 things can't be done.. refer to the first memo!
-Be honest about my feelings. How can anyone know what I'm feeling (especially my poor husband) if I don't say to them "Look, I'm feeling _______, please understand why I'm acting this way." My attitude, the way I react to different situations - like everyone - varies at any given moment pending what I'm thinking about, dealing with, or even just debating in my own brain. It's sometimes miserable and I've got to remind myself to take a breath and handle each situation as it comes!
Lastly, the biggest thing I'm starting to work on with myself is: -Trust in God, He will not let those fail who don't let themselves fail. My relationship with God and the church has been a forever battle internally. When I was a child I loved going to church, it was so much fun to get up on Sunday mornings and play with all my friends in Sunday school. We had play dates, we hung out, we were all super super close... then our church began having problems and we couldn't afford to fix them (we were a SUPER small church, probably part of why I loved it!!) so we ended up having to merge with another church. Long story short; it was a bad church, most of the people left, and the people who were originally from the church we merged with were all super snobby and had their noses so far in the air they weren't willing to be true friends. In the end, I started to not want to go.. fought my mom every Sunday so I wouldn't have to go, and in the end we stopped going. Once I became old enough to go on my own there was always something "more interesting" going on, and once I got my own car and a job I was working on Sundays (heck yeah time and 1/2!! that's huge at 16!!). Now, I'm a mom and a wife to a very strong and true Christian. My husband is a very strong believer in God and all that He can do, which makes me look back and wonder where my life would be if I hadn't been "too busy" for church.
In the end what I know is that I need to find it again, the faith and strength in Him. I need to move forward and stop looking back at what might have been, what could have been, or what would be today had I changed "x,y, or z". This doesn't only apply to God and church, it applies to everything in my life. The friendships I've lost, the relationships that hit the fan, and the things I would've changed if I could've - it's all taught me valuable lessons in life and now I need to move forward, learn from them, and become a better person/wife/mother/friend.
A good friend once said: "A little humility and lots of love can heal all." Thank you for that, friend, I plan to use it for my future and remember it always!
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