Okay - so as some, well most, of you have noticed my facebook is dwindling from it's normal every day "action" on my end. There are a few reasons for this. If you care to know the down and dirty.. keep reading. If you think you *might* be offended and that it *might* pertain to you... I don't care, stop reading if you want. Anyways...
The Nitty Gritty
I have posted about this before, but I will say it again just in case any of you missed it. I am one of two things; I'm an all the time friend OR I am a none of the time friend. What this means - in case you need it spelled out for you - is this: Either you're friends with me all the time. You're there for me and my family when we need it and I'm there for you (and your family if need be) when you need it. We hang out (if you're not a million miles away) or at least spend time chit chatting and catching up here and there (when time permits). I'm not saying you've got to call, or text, or message me, or what have you E.V.E.R.Y. day.. but stop in and say hey once in a while. Show you care. Show you care by more than just "liking" or commenting on my facebook status messages, that's not showing you care.. not really!
I understand that life gets out of hand, really.. I do. I am a mother of an almost 2 year old rambunctious little girl, and a wife of a man who comes and goes as often as the sun in New England. I am not someone who sits around and does nothing but wait for people to contact me, I'm always doing something. Cleaning, cooking, playing, laundry, and the list goes on - but that does NOT mean that I can't stop and take a few moments every day to text, or message, or get in contact with my friends and say "Hey, what's up? How are you?" ESPECIALLY when I know they're having a tough time with something.
Nearly 6 weeks ago a close friend of mine from CT that I've known since high school passed away. Everyone knows this. Everyone has seen it show up on my FB in some form or another. You all are aware that I've been hurting at this loss. I still am not having an easy time coming to terms with someone that is my age passing away in such a sudden and unexpected manor. I am lost, in a way, and I don't know what to do about it.. I need my friends. I need people to reach out to me. I've made that abundantly clear. Yet, the few people whom I expected to reach out, to understand where I'm coming from and how I'm feeling, have yet to say "Hey, how are you really doing?" As a matter of fact I think MAYBE 4 people have asked, my husband included, if I'm ok.. like, really okay. That's not a true friendship to me. If you can't help me when I'm down, if you can't acknowledge that I'm hurting, if you can't take just a few moments out of your day to say "hey" when things are tough.. then you're not a true friend in my eyes.
At the end of the day this is how I see things now. I'm no longer posting super personal stuff on facebook, I'm no longer going to contact people who don't contact me, and I am sure as hell not going to make time for people if they can't make time for me. I'm not going to help you when you need help if you can't step up and help me when I need help. I'm not going out of my way for anyone anymore. I'm done trying. I'm done with allowing my "friendships" to be a one way road. You try, I try.. that's how it works, don't like it?? See ya!
I'm not stressing over who and what I have in my life anymore. I've got the most amazing husband who does any and everything for me and loves me more and more every day. I've got a daughter who adores my very presence in the room. I've got a life to cherish. If you want to be a part of that life I suggest you get off your ass and put some effort forth too.
If you've been doing it all along, THANK YOU. If you haven't, it's time you got what you deserve.
Everyone gets busy or has those times in their life where they don't really feel like chatting. I know I'm one of them. I tend to have my phases where I'm open and then other times where I'm not. We all have shit to deal with, and sometimes it gets in the way of helping other people with theirs. I know you're still heartbroken over Jake's death. It's going to take year to heal, and even then it won't be completely gone- it will just be easier to manage. But I have faith that you're strong enough to handle it. You are a strong woman. Real friends are there when you need them, but that doesn't mean they inherently know you need them. Sometimes you have to ask, as I have learned myself. But like I said, I trust that if you need me, you'll call. Just like I've called you out of the blue crying, looking for advice. And I hope that you don't view me as one of those on-again, off-again friends. I will always be here for you. I'm sorry if I've seemed that way, I just have so much shit I'm trying to sort through in my own head right now that I've been trying to keep it away from everyone else. Love you <3 Amanda
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