Here's the deal..

Okay - so as some, well most, of you have noticed my facebook is dwindling from it's normal every day "action" on my end. There are a few reasons for this. If you care to know the down and dirty.. keep reading. If you think you *might* be offended and that it *might* pertain to you... I don't care, stop reading if you want. Anyways...

The Nitty Gritty


I have posted about this before, but I will say it again just in case any of you missed it. I am one of two things; I'm an all the time friend OR I am a none of the time friend. What this means - in case you need it spelled out for you - is this: Either you're friends with me all the time. You're there for me and my family when we need it and I'm there for you (and your family if need be) when you need it. We hang out (if you're not a million miles away) or at least spend time chit chatting and catching up here and there (when time permits). I'm not saying you've got to call, or text, or message me, or what have you E.V.E.R.Y. day.. but stop in and say hey once in a while. Show you care. Show you care by more than just "liking" or commenting on my facebook status messages, that's not showing you care.. not really!

I understand that life gets out of hand, really.. I do. I am a mother of an almost 2 year old rambunctious little girl, and a wife of a man who comes and goes as often as the sun in New England. I am not someone who sits around and does nothing but wait for people to contact me, I'm always doing something. Cleaning, cooking, playing, laundry, and the list goes on - but that does NOT mean that I can't stop and take a few moments every day to text, or message, or get in contact with my friends and say "Hey, what's up? How are you?" ESPECIALLY when I know they're having a tough time with something.



Nearly 6 weeks ago a close friend of mine from CT that I've known since high school passed away. Everyone knows this. Everyone has seen it show up on my FB in some form or another. You all are aware that I've been hurting at this loss. I still am not having an easy time coming to terms with someone that is my age passing away in such a sudden and unexpected manor. I am lost, in a way, and I don't know what to do about it.. I need my friends. I need people to reach out to me. I've made that abundantly clear. Yet, the few people whom I expected to reach out, to understand where I'm coming from and how I'm feeling, have yet to say "Hey, how are you really doing?" As a matter of fact I think MAYBE 4 people have asked, my husband included, if I'm ok.. like, really okay. That's not a true friendship to me. If you can't help me when I'm down, if you can't acknowledge that I'm hurting, if you can't take just a few moments out of your day to say "hey" when things are tough.. then you're not a true friend in my eyes.

At the end of the day this is how I see things now. I'm no longer posting super personal stuff on facebook, I'm no longer going to contact people who don't contact me, and I am sure as hell not going to make time for people if they can't make time for me. I'm not going to help you when you need help if you can't step up and help me when I need help. I'm not going out of my way for anyone anymore. I'm done trying. I'm done with allowing my "friendships" to be a one way road. You try, I try.. that's how it works, don't like it?? See ya!

I'm not stressing over who and what I have in my life anymore. I've got the most amazing husband who does any and everything for me and loves me more and more every day. I've got a daughter who adores my very presence in the room. I've got a life to cherish. If you want to be a part of that life I suggest you get off your ass and put some effort forth too.

If you've been doing it all along, THANK YOU. If you haven't, it's time you got what you deserve.

Glasses?

I'm pretty sure I need glasses, again. I haven't worn them in forever and now they give me an even worse headache than I already have...

I hate doctors.

Humph *pouts like a 5 year old child*

What I want to be..?

So, I keep trying to figure out things to write about. Things that make me happy, sad, or emotional in some way.. but I feel like they're all cliche, things people have said before and not at all uncommon. Like, I hate that I can't get a "real" job, where my daughter goes to daycare and I help pay the bills... ya know, like most people want. So, I *could* go off on how much I hate the economy, but who isn't doing that right now?!


Instead, this is what I'll say.. because I guess right now, it's how I'm feeling::


I want to be witty, I want to be able to write well and express my feelings in a way that people can understand them and help me to either cope with them, or just plain old laugh at me. I want to be one of those people that people respond to, take to, and just all around like. But here, in the "South", I find it hard to make friends. I'm not talking about people who you talk to and sometimes hang out with. I mean friends; people that you can call in the middle of the night without feeling bad, people you can tell ANYTHING to and not question if they're going to tell everyone and their brother about your secret just because they *can*, I want someone who I can go and hang out with and that will accept the fact that I am a mother and a wife before I am anything else and therefore my family will be my numero uno, I want someone who gets me and is just as much of a bitch to me as I am to them (sometimes I need people to put me in my place, but not in a way that I'm offended and pissed off, a way that makes me realize I need to back down or direct my anger and attitude elsewhere - the hubby is really good for this one!!)...

I just want to be able to be someone people like, someone that's fun, someone that's carefree and can let loose sometimes. I want to be someone who doesn't always feel like they have to be careful of where they go or how far it is to get there because it's "too expensive" to pay the gas/tolls/etc. I want to be...me, but better.

Mutual Respect - A thing of the past?

When did mutual respect become a thing of the past? Something that no one seems to follow, understand, or comprehend in their lives. When did life become so busy that keeping a friendship going strong just didn't make a difference? When a friend is blatantly having a very tough time with life, when did people stop asking if they were okay? Or stop to take the time to actually listen to them when they're not?

**WARNING** Whining, complaining, and bitching commencing**

I know life is crazy, heck - I just spent the last 2 weeks in CT with my family dealing with the loss of one of my closest friends from HS, coping with the earthquake that happened here in VA, and then the hurricane that came up the coast and knocked power out for 6 days at my mom's house.. added on to the fact I haven't seen my husband in over a month due to unforeseen circumstances... but yet, I still try to chit chat with people, stay involved, and keep tabs on who is going through what so I can send prayers, love, and attention their way. Yes, this may sound a little bit greedy; but aren't we all entitled to a little bit of attention and greed from our friends/family? I think so!

I think we're all entitled to want just a smidge of attention when we're having a tough time, and to complain and bitch, and whine and moan is exactly what I'm going to do. I'm sick of being ignored, I'm tired of feeling like I've got no one to turn to except my parents and my husband (who all have other lives besides me, obviously). I make friends for a REASON and if that reason is for nothing more than supporting each other, so be it. But that support is not a one way street in my life. Either you give support to receive support, or you get nothing from me. I'm so over some people, it's so not even funny!!! (This is not aimed at anyone directly, but if you choose to take this offensively take a look at our "friendship" and it might be implied towards you!!!)

**THANK YOU** Whining, complaining, and bitching completed**

10 Years Ago - A decade!

There are a million and one things I could say. There are a thousand prayers I could pray. There's hundreds of things I could try to do to "help".

At the end of the day - none of it matters. At the end of the day all that can ever be "done" is to honor, remember, and love.

Honor those that serve this country every day. I do not mean JUST our military, I also mean our fire, police, and first responders. I mean people who put their lives on the line daily in our very own communities to ensure our safety as American citizens. Honoring our military is also important, they leave their families for days, weeks, months, and even sometimes years at a time. They sacrifice and risk their lives every day for what happened a decade ago, today.

Remember those that were in the towers the day they fell, the Pentagon the day it was hit, the people who were just flying to a new destination the day they were driven into one of the most horrific days in US History. Remember the public service members that were lost trying to find the people who were buried in the rubble. Remember those that have fought and busted butt to defend our country. Remember the Seal Team 6 that killed Osama Bin Laden, and then later sacrificed their own lives to ensure our safety. Remember why. Remember who. Remember them all!

Love each other. Love our country. Love those that you've got close to you. Tomorrow may never come, accept and appreciate and love the time we've got together now while we've got it. Just Love.

At the end of the day - all that can be done now, a decade later; honor, remember, and love.


Always remember, never forget!    9/11/2001